Feature Article April 24, 2002
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Maizie's CureOn a recent trip down to the dock to check on the rising water and floating ice, I heard the familiar greeting from Maizie.
"Hi Laddie. Long time no see. Thought you were going to skate down to the open water in the narrows for a visit this winter."
"Sorry Maizie, winter seems to have slipped by. Besides, the skating wasn't good this year. How are you? You look a little thin. Tough winter?"
"That it has been," she replied. " I missed the ice fishermen's bait I usually get, but summer will soon be here and fat sportsmen will be back. I'm looking forward to some good feeds. You seem in pretty good shape. Suppose you've been living high on the hog."
The old gal was not as grouchy as expected after a season under the ice, but then the Mazinaw was a month late in freezing this winter and opened early. That would encourage anyone to have a better outlook on life.
"Not too high Maizie. My Significant Helpmate has been lowering the boom on my eating habits. She's trying to keep me out of the nearly half of Canadians who have a weight problem. You should watch her react when she sees pictures of those over-weight and under-exercised people on television."
"Good for her," she croaked, " you need watching. Keeping you away from the beer, chips, pop and sweets is she?"
"Not only that - makes me walk everywhere; to get the mail; across parking lots; up and down stairs rather than elevators. Not a moment's rest! Think she's trying to wear me out. Wonder if she's looking for a younger buck?"
"Come on, Laddie. If that were the case, she would encourage you to follow the example of many of your compatriots - gobs of junk food and lots of fried meals. These are needed to keep alive in my icy water, but not for you lazy lugs on shore."
She continued with hardly a breath. " Actually she must love you a lot more than those wives and mothers who let their families gorge on fat and sugar."
"Suppose you're right, Maizie. Really I should appreciate her label reading and nagging. There is a lot of medical concern about the future of this up and coming generation. Obesity and diabetes are skyrocketing, and it appears they may overwhelm the health care system within a few years. Not certain what can be done, as the food industries are intent on selling junk food and unhealthy choices: they have no sense of responsibility as long as they can make a fast buck. What can we do except look after ourselves?"
"Humph!" was the quick retort. "You have more faith in humans than I have. You are a weak-kneed bunch without enough gumption to keep yourselves healthy by reasonable eating and a little exercise. What you need is inspiration to get started."
"And how, wise one, do we get that?"
"Laddie, Laddie, I'm surprised at you. You're supposedly educated and well-read. Appeal to vanity. If people don't care about their health and well-being, at least make them think they can improve their looks. It is done constantly and successfully on television and in magazines to sell all sorts of useless things. Toss some literature at them; throughout the ages poets have inspired the masses. Begin with the immortal words of Ogden Nash in his poem, What's the use?
"Sure, deck your limbs in pants,
Yours are the limbs, my sweeting.
You look divine as you advance,
Have you seen yourself retreating?"
