27 do's and don'ts in the zoomiverse

Jeff Green | Jun 03, 2020

note – Depending on your feelings about zoom and the people you zoom with, the following are interchangeably do's or don'ts

Wear a clown mask

Wear nothing

Never speak

Speak constantly and emphatically and never unmute

interrupt incessantly

line up zoom meetings for an entire day and then forget about them

line up zoom meetings for an entire day and remember them

In a business meeting, try to time when you slip off-screen for the moment when you are about to be asked to give a report or express an opinion

Allow the phone that you are checking all the time to be seen by the others in the meeting.

Sit an inch from the webcam

Sit across the room

Make fun of your mother for sitting too close to the screen and showing on the the top of her head, even though she knows about it, but she wants to be able to see what's going on in everyone's house.

Invest in Zoom

Pay for a subscription so the meetings won't end abruptly after 40 minutes

Show everyone what you are eating, even though they didn't ask

Tell yourself that Zoom is preferable to a real life meeting

Tell yourself that you would get along better with the people in the meeting if you were with them in person.

Be jealous of other people's houses

Use headphones with fuzzy rabbit ears wrapped around the ear piece

Use very expensive earbuds and make a show of putting them in their case as the meeting is wrapping up

Use chat, but click everyone instead of the person you intend to talk to, particularly when you are gossiping about someone else in the meeting.

Yawn, and/or fall asleep

Speak loudly

Speak softly

Zoom with family

Zoom with frenemies

Use the word Zoom as a verb