Five Decades Of Fostering In South Frontenac

Jun 13, 2013

If all of the children that Joan and Howard Fellows have fostered over the years were to meet at one place at one time you'd likely need to hire out a large community hall to contain all of the them. That's because the Fellows, now well into their senior years, have been fostering children for over 50 years and this will in fact be their 51st. In that time they have welcomed 225 children into their home and cared for them.

The couple live in Portland township near Murvale on the old Fellows family farm, which housed dairy and beef cattle until just a few years back, and is where Howard was born and raised. Asked why they got into fostering children, primarily infants, Joan said that they did not have children at the time and that her mother fostered children and she felt it was something that she would like to do. When I spoke to them at their home it was not long before Joan brought out to the kitchen table one of her many scrap books, in which she has carefully listed the names of each of the children who have lived with them since they began fostering in 1963.

The Fellows received their first infant on May 30, 1963 when Joan was 23 years old and Harold just a few years older. The baby, Joan recalled, was just 14 days old and had been born prematurely. They cared for her until July 2, when she was adopted by a family.

The Fellows worked with the Family and Children Services of Frontenac, Lennox and Addington and after years of fostering they eventually adopted two children of their own, who are now grown adults. While raising their son and daughter they continued to foster infants. “I remember when our son was about five years old and we hadn't had a baby here for a while that he looked up one day and asked me, ‘Mom, when are we going to get another baby?’”

In her scrapbooks Joan has a picture of every child they have cared for. When first applying to be foster parents, they originally chose the one to five-year-old category but due to a high demand for placing young babies, they agreed to take on their first infant.

Joan soon realized that it was the infants she enjoyed most. Joan always helped milk the cows on the farm and said infants were a perfect match for her. “Over the years we have had babies as young as a day old to kids up to eight years old but it was always the babies that I enjoyed looking after most. They were easy to have around. I could put them in the stroller and take them out to the barn with me when I would milk.”

But of course there was much more to it than that. “I just love babies,” Joan confessed. “There is nothing nicer than sitting down and rocking a baby in your arms.”

Back in their early years Joan and Howard were often brought young infants who were deemed by the organization as “failing to thrive”. Joan recalled one young infant who had a thin, white film over its eyes and her daughter asking her, ‘Why doesn't he smile?’”

“Because he has nothing to smile about,” she remembers answering. “But in just a few days you could see his eyes clearing and he started gaining weight and eventually began to smile.”

Harold agreed. “There is nothing better than seeing a young one progress.”

Asked about the challenges of fostering Joan said, “Letting them go is the hardest part. They end up feeling like one of your own. What is also hard is that you often wonder about them after they have left.” That being said, the Fellows have been visited by many of the children they have fostered over the years. One, who is now in the army, came back to see where he spent some of his early years. '”We had his sister here first and she was adopted and then we got him and the family agreed to adopt him also,” Joan said.

For the last few years the Fellows have been doing only relief work for other foster parents in the area. With 50 years of experience under their belts they are a popular and valuable resource for foster parents who may be experiencing difficulties with their young charges.

Not surprisingly the two will soon be retiring their services. Harold said that he feels they have done their fair share of service to the community by fostering and he looks forward to being able to “pick up and go without having to think about getting a babysitter for a young one.”

You can tell exactly what five decades of fostering children has meant to both Joan and Howard Fellows. And no doubt there are an additional 225 beating hearts out there in the world who would agree that it has meant a lot to them as well.