Discipline

Jeff Green | Oct 18, 2012

Back to HomeFeature Article - October 18, 2012 "Secrets of Discipline" - practical strategiesby Julie Druker

Photo: Ron Moorish talks discipline at SHS

While most parents would probably agree that disciplining their kids is not high on their list of the most enjoyable pastimes, Ronald Moorish has made it his chosen field of expertise and on Sept. 27 he made a presentation on the subject to parents, guardians and educators at Sydenham High School. The presentation was sponsored by the Limestone District School Board.

With 41 years of teaching experience under his belt, 16 of which were as a behavior specialist, Moorish has penned three books on the subject: “Secrets of Discipline”, “With All Due Respect” and “Flip Tips”. He now makes his living sharing that knowledge.

Moorish, who is a parent of four and a grandparent of five, cited changes in parenting compared to when he was raising his kids in the 1970s. “I understood when I became a parent that it was my job to give my kids everything they needed to become healthy. These days it seems that parents give their children whatever they want to make them happy.”

No so Moorish. He opened by speaking of the importance of understanding brain development and how the brain of a younger child differs from that of an adolescent. This helps to determine the different approaches to use with children of varying ages. Young children whose goal is to please require simple face-to-face directions. Moorish stressed that for young children simple rules and regular routines go a long way in setting up the basic expectations that will help them to achieve success in the future.

On the other hand, for adolescents, direct confrontation can set up power struggle - an unnecessary but all too common situation that Moorish said leads to emotional outbursts, and from which nothing positive can derive.

“I make it a personal habit with kids from grade five and up to address a behavioral issue only when they are engaged in some kind of physical activity. The general rule to follow is – ‘Beside me, we can talk about anything, but opposite me - we'll talk about nothing.’” He added that when the adolescent emotional brain is engaged, no reasoning or problem solving is possible and it is best to wait and to deal with problematic issues with older kids when their emotions have calmed down and are not engaged.

He explained that myelin is not fully developed in young adolescents’ brains and as a result many connections in the brain are not solidified. “Sometimes for example you will find with adolescents that gentle suggestion does not work and that to make your point you have to make it strongly.” He spoke of how at this time the adolescent brain is undergoing major recalibration so that emotions, understanding, processing information, and problem solving can vary as the brains reworks itself.

“All of the executive functions of the brain can tend to go “off-line' for certain periods of time, resulting in that tendency for adolescents to sometimes appear to lack common intelligence.

Hormones are also a factor. “The amount of time that it takes for an adolescent to “get up “ and actually wake can be an hour or two. Best to have lower expectations at this time,” he said.

Moorish also pointed to societal changes. In days gone by adolescence was the time when children moved away from their families. “This was a natural part of human experience. We have to understand that society has changed but that that children have not.” His advice - keep your sense of humour, roll with the punches but keep your basic expectations high.

Regarding kids of toddler age Moorish also had much to say. “You are not a parent until your child is 1.5 years of age. Up until then you are a servant.” One of the great challenges he said is for parents to make the necessary switch from being a servant to being a parent. “Many people unfortunately don't and instead continue catering to their children.”

Speaking of parents whose ultimate goal is ensure that their child is happy, and who describe their youngsters as their “best friends”, Moorish did not mince his words. “Get a life!” he said.

He explained how at toddler age, when a child begins to move around their environment, there are definite safety issues. This is the time when parents need to set limits - to learn how to say no. “If adults lose the courage to say no to their children, please explain to me where the children will get the courage they need to say no to drugs, to strangers, to vandalism, to bullying? Where will the character trait called self restraint, which is a key part of self discipline, come from if we fail to do our job?” Consistency at all ages is key. “When you are consistent these things become routine and these routines will become habits and good habits will be instilled for life.”

Moorish said that the “Terrible Twos”, which can last upwards of 18 months, is the average transition time that it can take for youngsters, especially strong-willed ones, to understand the adult switch from servant to parent and it can be a very rough time especially for the moms, who tend to have been the primary nurturer.

Moorish cited how the codes of conduct in schools have changed in the last four and five years, moving from punitive systems to those of positive role modeling. “Schools have realized only in the last few years that codes of conduct work best by teaching kids how to do things right rather than punishing the things that they do wrong.”

Much of what Moorish preaches is good old-fashioned common sense mixed with lesser known factual information, which together can assist parents in the most important job of their lives.